My scatterbrained thoughts on 'The Cape'

So I went on a ski trip over the weekend, and while there I got a chance to watch the second episode of 'The Cape'. I gotta admit I wasn't exactly eager to watch the show when it came out. Part of it was because to me it looks like an attempt to quickly cash in on the superhero wave, especially now considering that 2011 is going to be dominated by superhero films. The other part was the fact that 'The Cape' was by far one of the least dignified super hero concepts I've ever heard.

It's petty to pick on a name, I know, but this just doesn't seem the kind of name that I can imagining striking fear into the superstitious criminal mind. I would have thought that no one would be able to take capes seriously after they were so heavily lampooned in The Incredibles. What's the guys catch phrase gonna be, 'look out or the cape will smother you'?

Despite my earlier concerns it wasn't really all that bad. The character of Vince Faraday was pretty convincing and likable enough, and the circus troop that he trains with has a lot of neat people too (particularly the midget, whose beatdown on Scales was probably one of the highlights of the episode I saw). Keith David's character was by far the MVP. I dunno if it's his voice or just his overall presence, but the man owned the show.

While the good guys are well done, the villains leave a lot to be desired. Let me just be blunt here: writers? I get that Cain is an infamous figure from the Bible as the first murderer and criminal, and because of that his name has a certain charm and weight to it...but enough's enough. From now on you can't name one of your villains 'Cane' unless the protagonist is 'Able' and you're doing a retelling of the Genesis story that takes more artistic licenses then the recent film adaptation of The Tempest. It's like you weren't even trying, guys. I wouldn't mind it so much if this 'Cain' bloke didn't act like a psycopathic chef and look like Fabio. Hardly the guy I'd imagine being named 'Cain'. I seriously wonder if the guy ever got rejected from cooking school and that's what made him turn to evil, in the same way that Hitler was rejected from art school and that's what prompted him to become dictator...or something like that.

Another villain that made me roll my eyes was Scales. Guess what his gimmick...er I mean ability is? He's covered in scales. That's the best you got? A gun-wielding bloke with a bad skin rash? It doesn't help that he's played by the same actor who played the soccer hooligan in Eurotrip. Honestly I'd be more afraid if they brought back the soccer hooligan. Soccer hooligans start riots while guys covered in scales get their ass beaten by midgets.

The whole 'scales' thing might have worked if they pulled a Two-Face like in The Dark Knight or even a Joker a la the original Batman, where the guy starts off like a normal guy and then suffers an accident that gives him his deformity. I mean, you can't just shove a guy covered in scales in front of the audience and expect them to keep a straight face without explaining it. Otherwise they'll just keep wondering if he spends all his salary on lotion.

He's also by far the stupidest character in the series. There's a part where The Cape is stalking a smuggling operation on the docks where a group of people are smuggling something in through stuffed animals (cough Batman Begins ripoff cough). For no reason Scales walks over and rips open one of the animals, bringing out the contents and smiling like a dumbass. Seriously, why did he do that? Was it so we, the dumb audience, could learn what was inside?

Then it gets really stupid. Cape attacks the guards (again, just like in Batman Begins). However, because Cape isn't as awesome as Batman, he gets his ass handed to him by a guy with a bad skin rash (and who would later get his kneecaps broken by a midget with a wrench). Scales then wraps the guy up in chains and dumps him to the bottom of the river.

Hey Scales, here's an idea...SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE! You obviously want him dead, so why not put a bullet between his eyes, and then wrap him up in chains to make sure he stays at the bottom of the water? I don't think escapists can shrug off bullet wounds to the head by dislocating their shoulders.

The fights aren't exactly anything special. The cape basically acts like Zorro's whip which is something I'm fairly sure a normal cape can't do. The whole thing looks absurd, and this is coming from someone who thought Thor's boomerang hammer and the Green Lantern's 'sausage man' costume looked pretty slick. While The Cape's vanishing effect is pretty neat, I'm fairly sure they used the same effect every time. '57 ways to disappear' my ass, Keith David. If they'd varied it up with like a flash bang cloud every now and then it'd be much better. Plus the whole series is filmed in that 'holy crap a movie that's even greener then The Matrix' style that the Saw movies used, which just screams cheap. Films that overdo the filters like this usually do so because they don't know how to establish mood through normal lighting. You know, like talented people are capable of doing?

A few people have told me that the show's supposed to be 'tongue in cheek' (a synonym for 'campy') and a homage to the old superhero TV shows, but is that really the best idea for a show in this day and age? Is there really a place for campy superheroes since Spiderman 2 and The Dark Knight emerged on the scene? Superhero flicks have been dominating the box office for the past few years now, producing not only some of the largest grossing movies but also some of the overall best films. Is now really the best time for a tongue-in-cheek superhero TV show? I dunno.

Overall it's not bad but it's not very good either. I think this is another show I'll be skipping out on.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go write the script for my new superhero show 'The Gloves'. I'm currently at the climactic scene where Gloves confronts his arch-nemesis Feathers, a man covered from head to toe in feathers due to a tragic tar-and-feathering accident. With dialogue like 'the gloves are off, Feathers' I'm sure the show will be a smash hit!